Whitewash

It's not a poem,

 just a prose,

 that I wrote a long time ago

 and forgot to post!

I whitewash the walls of sadness

With coats of happiness

A coat of self-depreciating humour must do the trick.

A dab of fake smiles helps cover where the paint has chipped

Celebrating other’s joys helps too

Sometimes I watch fake stories

Of fake families to forget the real sorrows.

But in all honesty

A call from family

Does the trick.

When people think I am funny

It is another coat of paint to add.

My hands have become used to the feel of the brush

And to the sight of happiness trickling down from the brush

Before it can reach the wall.

But I can’t leave the wall bare because

Others shouldn’t see it for what it is.

I have heard all the advice.

Fake it till you make it.

Don’t worry, be happy.

But for how long will I pretend…

When the paint cracks,

I realise that the wall has always been the same.